My Own Private Hell…. beating my addiction to painkillers

by Michael, from USA

I`m just a normal guy in my late 30`s. I did party and use drugs recreationally in my 20`s. At one point becoming addicted to Cocaine, but I overcame that addiction on my own.I was in a bad car accident several years ago. I fractured two vertebrae in my back and broke my collarbone and wrist. I had terrible back pain after this and the doctor put me on Vicodin. I had heard stories of famous people being addicted to painkillers, but that was not the drug of my choice when I was a partying 20 year old.

A year after the the doctor prescribed Oxycodone 10 mg tablets. At first, I took them as prescribed, but after awhile, I was starting to take more and more, to where I was taking up to 30 tablets a day. I did anything to get the drug, because, of course, I wasn`t prescribed only 6 a day. I found a connection to buy the drug off the street…..EXPENSIVE !!!!

Pretty soon, I was paying nearly $1,500 a month just to get them. The addiction spiraled out of control. It was MUCH WORSE than Cocaine addiction, a couple days was all I needed to recuperate from cocaine. With oxycodone it was weeks.

The withdrawal was the worst thing that has happened to me in my life, and the most difficult. I had withdrawal symptoms sometimes for weeks because I simply did`t have the cash I needed to get more, or until I could get my refill.

Oh my God, it was pure torture getting off this stuff. My whole body ached, my joints ached, not to mention the migraines. I felt like a rag doll….limp and withered. I can hardly describe the pain it is to get off this stuff, the physical as well as mental. All I wanted to do was lay in bed for days, I didn`t even want to shower it was that bad, because moving hurt like hell. 

Then I would get more pills and everything seemed great. I had energy, a positive attitude, enjoyed life. I knew i had a problem but was reluctant to do anything about it. I would always tell myself ” just pop 15 oxy`s and then think of a way out of this”…..because when you withdraw from these drugs, you cannot even think straight. It’s pure agony, an agony I would not wish upon my worst enemy.

I was also going to different doctors trying to get pills. Some doctors were smart…they just said “no”, so I would just go to another one, I also had to go to several different pharmacies…all this on top of the huge amount of money to get more. I thought for sure I was going to OD.

To make a long story short……I quit cold turkey….it was a living hell for months…the aches and pain was worse than my original back pain. I got through this on my own, but not everyone can do that. I recommend getting professional help. I have a strong willpower, which helped, but I almost fell off the wagon a few times. It was the most difficult time of my life, that`s why I feel such sympathy when I read stories of people trying to get off this drug. You can do it, just remind yourself of how you felt BEFORE ever taking one of those pills……normal….

I also had two friends that overdosed on this drug, that is when I woke up and knew I had to do something, or I would be laying in the funeral home.

Good luck to all who are addicted and want help. You are in my prayers, but remember, it is not impossible and you can do it. I never thought I could either, but I did it. Now I am drug free and feel normal and adjusted.